I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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