And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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