fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
