Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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