Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
