yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
