3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
