Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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