what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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