Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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