tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
