I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
