Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
