john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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