grandma shit on top of the toilet
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
