my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
