No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I FOUND THE LEGS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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