dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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