I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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