You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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