You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
