1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
