I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
