actually, I'm a sock model
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
