Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
