we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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