So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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