I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
