i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
