Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
