my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
