I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
