I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
