There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
