RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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