I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
