tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
