So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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