The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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