Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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