I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
