I accidentally had phone sex last night
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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