Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
