You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
