There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
