Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
even my farts smell like vagina
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
