Just fell off a train. Bad.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
