Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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