You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
