Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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