well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
